So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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