Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
