I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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