my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I want a musical about memes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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