In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
