also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
