I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
