i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
