I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
