When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
