My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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