Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You pole danced in your parka.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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