Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
