Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
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It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
