if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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