vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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