We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
