you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
