it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
