if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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