Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
