Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was born a porn star she said
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
