Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
