Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
