If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
