I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
