no, he came in my armpit
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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