i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
false alarm. still invincible.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
