you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
