giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
