I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
