i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
