Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
