the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cat gives me a boner
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
