Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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