Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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