My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
