Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
