I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
