You're so nebulous sometimes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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