She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
