he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
