you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
