So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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