she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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