You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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