Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
