can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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