Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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