I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Sorry my hands just texted you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
