Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
