If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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