walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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