My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
